


hello? (it's me)

by sacrednut



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben and Rey are Ex's, Ben's POV, Boss Rey (Star Wars), Cancer, Cheating (neither Ben nor Rey cheat on each other), Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fuck It Everyone Needs A Hug Yes Bazine Too, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Masturbation, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Modern! Reylo, No Force Powers/Bond, POV Rey (Star Wars), Parents Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Past Relationship(s), Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rey's POV, Reylo Child/Baby, Rich Rey, Soft Ben Solo, Yes Mike Newton Exists Here, welcome to the Ben Solo Pain Train
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:15:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29769864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacrednut/pseuds/sacrednut
Summary: One of her fingers pressed the “call” button.Would he recognize her voice after 7 years?Would she recognize his?“Ben Solo.”An unexpected knot strangled her throat.“Hello?”Rey forced herself to answer.“It’s me.”NEXT EXPECTED UPDATE: March 15th
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Bazine Netal/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 52
Kudos: 99
Collections: The 50 Shades of Rey





	1. The Call

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> This story is mostly written, so there'll be weekly updates (Sundays or Mondays). If you have any concern about the tags feel free to reach out on Twitter (@sacred_nut)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who contributed. This story started on a GC and it means the world to me to be sharing it with the world <3 
> 
> Shoutout to Lala for the beautiful moodie<3
> 
> Shoutout to Danica, Lexi, Tricia and Emily, literal angels that beta-ed and listened to every single one of my crazy, sleep-deprived insecurities and doubts. You all deserve the world
> 
> Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7nZ99GWiwTDqIRZJV3HBcr?si=ojWcux5rQgKHlflbmZ1Vdg
> 
> Let's go.

_ _

_ They say that time’s supposed to heal you _

_ But I ain’t done much healing _

_ “Hello” - Adele _

* * *

Rey closed the door behind her before hanging up her purse and coat in the hall. She greeted her black cat who rubbed himself against her. 

_ At least someone missed me. _

She opened the fridge door, starving, but Rey knew what she would find before she looked. 

_ Empty. _

She sighed.

It was not like she didn’t have the resources; her bank account was nowhere near as empty as her fridge. What was lacking was time. Rey never seemed to be able to carve out time for simple things like grocery shopping.

Not even enough time to place an order online, and that would have been so easy to do. The groceries could be delivered during the day while she was working so they were already there by the time she got home. 

_ Fuck.  _

Her job required her to be on top of every task and deadline. But when it came to a personal life, Rey just could not - or  _ would not _ \- care less.

However, tonight called for celebration. She shouldn’t be eating all alone at home anyway. Her bare feet slid across the hard wood floors to her purse hanging on the wall. Smoothing down her black pencil skirt, Rey fished out her phone to dial Finn.

“Yep?” The voice from the other end answered.

“Finn! Bad time?”

“Rey?”

She paused. “...Yes? It's me.”

“Sorry, I’m blindfolded, can’t see a thing. Poe just handed me the phone, couldn’t tell who was calling.”

_ Ah, shit. _

“Oh. Um. Is that like a sex thing or-”

She could feel Finn blushing through the call from miles away. 

“NO! He’s cooking up something secret, so he’s having me conduct a blind taste-test. It’s supposed to heighten the experience or whatever. What’s up? ''

“I got the promotion. The board voted. You’re talking to their new project manager, baby!”

Finn gasped. “NO WAY! That’s huge, Rey! Congratulations!”

She grinned. “I know, thank you. So, are we going out to celebrate or what?”

“Shit, I can’t right now, I’m sorry. But I’ll call Rose, we’ll make a night out of it. Tomorrow, I promise.”

She felt her enthusiasm falter a little. Still, faking a happy tone, she smiled. 

“Sure. Tomorrow? The usual place? 9PM?”

“You got it. See you.”

“See you.”

“Hey, Rey? Congrats again.”

“Thank you, Finn.” She hung up.

Rey flipped her phone over and sprawled out on her green couch.

_ Stupid. _

It was stupid feeling unimportant just because her friends were busy. They all had their own lives, partners, and work.

_ I’m just hungry. _

Dee jumped on her lap, and Rey scratched the cat’s head. 

“Just you and me tonight, buddy.” 

The cat’s green eyes stared at her.

“You hungry, boy?”

Rey stood up to empty a can of cat food over Dee’s dish while she scrolled through Uber Eats. A few taps later, the phone notified her that the Indian restaurant she always ordered from was preparing her food.

After a warm shower, she was sitting on her emerald couch with a glass of white wine and a giant portion of chicken tikka masala and rice, watching Netflix with Dee by her side.

Now, heels and pencil skirt were replaced by an oversized t-shirt showing off the artwork of her favorite movie.

A glass and a half later, it hit her.

_ This was it. _

Her whole life was right here. Dee, her apartment, her phone. A few blocks away, her job.

_ And no one to celebrate good news with. _

Her phone buzzed, and Rey opened the notification from the Facebook app she didn’t even remember she still had installed on her phone. 

_ 8:23 PM - “It’s Ben’s birthday! Don’t forget to wish him well! _

She dropped the phone as if it had burned her hand.

_ Ben. _

It wasn’t like Ben would be happy to hear from her. Not after all this time. Not after leaving him in their hometown. Not after breaking his heart when he had proposed that last day of summer and she had said no.

She nibbled on her lip.

_ Maybe she could just… check on how he was doing. _

Laptop over her crossed legs, she scrolled through a profile that was disappointingly empty. Just some pictures from a few years ago, him sitting on a dock with his feet in the water.

_ Our spot. _

The picture had been taken mid-laugh, nose scrunched up, with the sun hitting his face. A navy-blue t-shirt covered his wide frame, its sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms. Luscious dark waves covered his ears. She’d always loved those ears.

Rey slammed the laptop shut, waking Dee, who had been sleeping beside her on the couch. She walked to her small terrace with the glass of wine and her phone. Maybe the freshness of the night would stop the wheels in her brain from churning.

Another sip. Rey stared at the phone number next to the name ‘Ben.’ It was the only number that she had always kept after too-many-to-remember phone upgrades.

_ What were the odds that he had kept the same phone number all this time? _

_ What were the odds that he heard her voice and hung up?  _

_ Don’t do it, Rey. Don’t do it. _

It wasn’t like this was the first time the thought had occurred to Rey, but Ben had not picked up the first 30 times she had called him the day after she left. After that, her pride had taken a hit big enough to never try reaching out again. Even if the only thing she wanted to do was apologize.

_ Don’t do it. _

Her thumb pressed the ‘call’ button. 

_ Would he recognize her voice after 7 years? _

_ Would she recognize his? _

“Ben Solo.”

An unexpected knot strangled her throat. His voice was so  _ deep _ . He sounded so much older; more masculine, more mature. 

“Hello?” His voice came again after a pause.

Rey forced herself to answer.

“Hey... It’s me,” she heard herself whisper.

Silence.

“Ben?”

He cleared his throat.

“Rey. Yeah. I’m here.”

“I’m here, too,” she said, cursing herself for her stupid response.

_ Why the fuck didn’t I prepare a speech? _

“It’s been a long time. How are you? Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m-” 

She floundered, unable to remember a single detail of her own life to share with him. Her eyes looked around her apartment in desperation, finding Dee on top of a work folder she had taken home.

“I’m living in Seattle and, um, I have a cat. His name is Dee. Everything is great. And I’m- I have- I got a promotion at work.” She cleared her throat. 

“That’s great, Rey,” he replied with a soft voice.

“Yeah, he, um, he likes tuna.”

“Who does?”

“The cat, I mean.”

_ Jesus Christ, Rey. Stop talking.  _

On some level, she was conscious that she was just talking because she was nervous and she didn’t want the conversation to end.

She heard his smile through the phone. “I don’t have a cat, but my dog eats pretty much everything he finds.”

“Chewie?”

“You remember?” He sounded surprised.

“Of course, I do,” Rey muttered. 

She wasn’t just referring to Chewie, and he seemed to understand.

“How’s your family?” she asked.

“Dad died a few years ago, actually.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, was for the best. Cancer was spreading fast and he decided to go on his own terms.”

She smiled sadly. “That’s very Han.”

“And Leia’s been really busy for the last few months.”

“Running the bakery?”

“No, I took over the business. She’s been planning a wedding. More like  _ trying to _ , actually. It's been a lot.”

Rey giggled, taking a sip from her until recently forgotten wine. “Your sister is getting married?”

“No,” he paused. “I am.”

By this point in her life, Rey had burned herself cooking several times, broken her ankle when she was little, got kicked out from her own house when she was younger, and had her heart broken when she and Ben split up.

She would’ve taken all that pain, multiplied it by fifty, and it still wouldn’t have been comparable to the ache in her chest she felt at that moment.

“Oh! When?” She asked, just to say something. Anything.

_ End the call. End the call. Now. _

_ Fuck, this was a mistake. _

“In three weeks, actually. We- I- I’d really love for you to come.”

_ Shit. _

“I understand if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“No, no. I- I have to check with work but I’ll be there.”

_ Shit. Fuck. Rey, stop talking. _

“I’ll send you the details, then. Do you still have the same email address?”

_ Jesus fuck, what did I do? _

“What? Yeah, no, yeah. Awesome.”

“Send me your flight info and I’ll pick you up.”

_ God no _ . The last thing she wanted was him picking her up all gross from a 7 hour flight with his new fiancé.

“No, that’s-”

“I want to. Please.”

“I-”

“Great. I’ll see you soon, then,” he said, his voice reaching a higher octave.

“Ben. Who are you talking to? Give me the phone,” Rey heard a female voice through the phone.

_ Fuck. Fuckity fuck. Triple fucking fuck. _

“Excellent, I’ll let the caterer know, then.” Ben replied, his tone suddenly a complete 180.

_ What the fuck? _

The call ended.

_ What mess did I just get myself into? _

_ Shit. AND I forgot to wish him a happy birthday. _

  
  
  


A few hours later, Rey opened the last drawer of her dresser for the first time in months. 

There it was. The only thing of his that she had taken before she escaped that small town.

She changed into the old Bob Seger t-shirt, the hem dancing around her thighs. Tucked into bed, she brought the soft fabric up to her nose. It had lost his smell many years ago, but she could pretend. The same way she pretended to be happy for him.


	2. Coming Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers!
> 
> Thank you for all your kudos and comments, they mean the world to me <3
> 
> Again, thank you so much to Lexi, Tricia, Danica and Emily for the alpha/beta reading. You all deserve the world.
> 
> Let's go.
> 
> PS. highly recommend listening to "The Night We Met" - Lord Huron

_ I had all and then most of you _

_ Some and now none of you _

_ Take me back to the night we met _

_ “The Night We Met” - Lord Huron _

* * *

_ Tap, tap, tap. _ The smartphone screen clicked with Rey’s touches. 

“Rey?” Finn’s sleepy voice came through the other end of the line. “Why are you calling this early?”

She checked the time with a quick glance at her office clock.

“It’s 11AM, Finn.”

“I know, that’s what I mean,” he muttered.

“Well, some of us actually need to work for a living,” she admonished. “How did the blind dinner date go?”

“I wasn’t blind for the whole meal, silly,” he chuckled.

She smiled, looking outside the glass wall of her office. “I was thinking. Let’s meet at the river dock, where the ferry boats are.”

“Ferry boats? You want to ride a ferry boat to celebrate your promotion?” he asked, confused. “Okay, I’ll call Rose.”

“See you.” She hung up. 

Rey flipped her phone before leaving it on her desk. She didn’t  _ really _ need to be at work, actually. One of the perks about her promotion was that she could come and go as she pleased. As long as she met the deadlines, she could work from wherever the hell she felt like. 

However, the thought of being cooped up in her apartment all alone was… not where she wanted to be. That could lead to dangerous things, like RSVPing to the elegant wedding invitation she had received only this morning, instead of just declining or deleting it as she should have done. 

A few hours later found her slim frame covered in her expensive coat and her hands holding the metallic rail of the Seattle river dock, a light drizzle of rain droplets coating her face. She knew it was just a poor imitation. Not even with her eyes closed could she say it was the same.

_ So different. Nothing like our spot. _

She opened her eyes when she heard the low sound of the ferry boat horn announcing its arrival to the dock near where she stood.

“Rey!”

Rose was completely covered, head-to-toe, in multiple layers of coats and scarves. Still, the round bump of her belly was very obvious. Rey smiled. Rose was even bigger than the last time Rey had seen her a few weeks ago.

Finn tried to help Rose, offering his arm to her for support, but she only rolled her eyes. With a certain level of difficulty, she waddled to Rey, who wrapped her arms around her friend carefully to make sure she wasn’t squeezing her bump. Rose’s fuzzy scarf itched Rey’s cheek.

Rose giggled, letting Rey go. Finn rubbed her back, smiling.

“Look at you, so fancy!”

Rey blushed. “Look at  _ you _ , so big and... warm?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “I know, right? Armie doesn’t want me going anywhere ‘ _ in such a delicate state,’”  _ she said, imitating her husband’s accented voice. “I told him to chill a little, we still have time, but he insisted on me wearing half my wardrobe so I wouldn't catch a cold.”

“He’s right about worrying, Rosie. You’re due next week,” Finn commented.

Rose frowned. “You’re taking your godfather title a little too seriously, Finn; the baby isn’t even out yet. And I’m not an invalid, am I?” She didn’t wait for the others to answer. “That’s enough about me, we’re here to see you,” she booped Rey’s nose with a finger. “Are we getting on that ferry or what?”

Three steamy cups of cocoa, a giant bag of popcorn, and many protests from Rose later - she did  _ not _ want the seat they had found her, but could perfectly stand on her own - Rey, Rose, and Finn were standing on the upper deck of the ferry boat as it left the dock to sail along the river. The rain was easing up as Rey took a sip of her hot cocoa.

“How's Poe?” she asked Finn.

“Good, but drowning under so much work. He told me he called you earlier but you didn’t pick up,” Finn answered, while making sure Rose was sheltered from the rain under his umbrella.

Rey opened her mouth to make up the excuse of how busy her morning had been.

“No, I know you’re avoiding him, so don’t lie. You never miss his calls. You’re like brother and sister. So, what I really want to know is  _ why _ ,” Finn asked softly with big, trusting eyes focused on her.

Rose squeezed Rey’s bare hand with her gloved one when she didn’t answer. “Is everything okay?”

Rey pressed her lips together as she felt her jaw quiver, looking over the water they were crossing to avoid their scrutiny. The mild rain, always semi-present over the city, soaked her hair. She closed her eyes.

_ This was a bad idea. It's not like home. It’s just rainy Seattle.  _

Hot tears rolled down her rain-wet cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Rey? How can we help?”

Rey swallowed, the words strangling her throat. She hated crying in front of other people; it was so much harder to stop once she started. But she had to let it out, even if she didn’t want to.

“He’s getting married,” she said, voice choked.

“Who is?”

_ The only man I’ve ever truly loved. The one I left behind when I came here.  _

_ And now it’s too late. _

_ I’m too fucking late. _

“Ben!” she screamed in frustration, trying to stop crying. The warm drops cascading down her face told her it wasn’t working.

Neither Finn nor Rose had met Ben from her old life, but they immediately knew who she was talking about.

Rose squeezed her hand again.

“I’m sorry, Rey. I know how much he meant to you.”

Finn offered her a clean handkerchief, always the gentleman. Rey accepted it with a smile and blew her nose.

“That’s not even the worst part. He invited me to the wedding.”

“WHAT!?” Finn and Rose exclaimed at the same time, exchanging dumbfounded looks. 

Rose grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it into her mouth, staring at Rey.

“And I kinda agreed to go? I mean, I don’t even know what happened on that phone call. He mentioned something about picking me up?”

“Oh, no, Rey, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Rose asked her with worried eyes.

Rey smiled a little. She loved that about Rose. No matter how fucked up the situation was, Rose would never question or order her around. She was just trying to be there for her.

Rey shook her head. “I know it’s not. But I- I don’t know. When I heard his voice, it was like we were eighteen again; like all these years hadn’t passed between us. As if we were picking up right where we left off.”

Neither of them answered. Rey closed her eyes, listening to the raindrops hit the river.

She didn’t need them to say it for her to know. The situation was completely fucked and there wasn’t an easy way out, unless she completely avoided it. 

_ What should I do? What should I  _ **_do_ ** _? _

“You should go,” Finn said, his tone soft.

Rey opened her eyes, drying them with the handkerchief. “What?”

“Go, Rey! How is this even a question? Go after what you want. And it sounds like what you want is back in West Virginia.”

She opened and closed her mouth several times, surprised. She eyed Rose, waiting for the voice of reason to tell her it was a crazy plan.

Rose smiled at her. “I agree. Do you really think you can live with the ‘ _ what if _ ’? I don’t think you can. Go and tell him you love him before it’s too late.”

Rey looked at them. “He’s  _ engaged _ … As in,  _ to-be-married _ , engaged. I already  _ am  _ too late.”

“Just because there’s a goalkeeper doesn’t mean you can’t score.” Rose shrugged. “He's not actually married. Not yet.”

“And I’m sorry, but the whole inviting your ex to the wedding  _ and  _ offering to pick them up? There’s so much unresolved. I think you have a shot, Rey,” Finn added. Rose nodded in agreement before he continued. “No one is telling you to make a scene in the middle of the ceremony, but maybe just… let him know how you feel, before it  _ is  _ too late.” He shrugged. 

_ What if it’s already too late? What if the moment I left him crying on one knee was too late? _

Rey looked at them both, nibbling her lip, noting that the ferry had arrived back at the dock. 

“What the hell are you still doing here, Rey? Pack your bags, call the airline!” Rose screamed, pushing her shoulder. “Go! Confront the problem! Fight! Win!”

“OKAY, I’m going, I’m going. Shit, fuck, I need someone to take care of Dee while I’m gone. And, Rose, I need a wedding present. And a dress, I guess?” 

“Finn will take care of your cat, he needs a distraction from his godson-to-be. We’ll go shopping, but go! Make a list of the stuff you need and we’ll get it tomorrow.”

“Fine, fine, stop pushing me!”

“THEN GO!” they both screamed, but there wasn’t a need. Rey was already rushing back to her apartment. She unlocked her phone, her heart pounding as she opened the wedding invite. 

_ Miss Rey Johnson, plus-one. _

There was really only one person that she could call. It wouldn’t have been right with anyone else. Rey pressed the ‘call’ button.

“Yeah?” Poe answered.

“You can yell at me later for ignoring your call, but I need you to go to a wedding with me as my plus-one.”

“Back home?”

“How did you know?”

“Because you’re asking me. Who’s getting married?”

Rey sighed. “Ben.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“When?”

“The 10th. But I was thinking we should fly out on the 7th. It’s a 7 hour flight.”

“Okay, I’ll call the airline.”

“You need to get a tux and a wedding gift.”

“Fuck that. My presence is the best gift.”

Rey smiled. “Fine, I’ll pick something out for you, and you can pay me back later. I’m booking the flight now.”

“Rey?” His tone softened. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

She exhaled. “I don’t know, Poe. I don’t know. I think I have to, even if I don’t want to.”

“I understand. Wear something nice. Let him know what he missed.”

Rey chuckled. “I’ll try. Bye.” 

She pocketed her phone after hanging up.

_ Fuck. Shit. Fuck. _

_ Am I really doing this? _

Rey called her assistant before she could regret it.

“How may I help you, Miss Johnson?”

“Book me a flight for the 7th of April. First class.” She gave the destination distracted, thinking about Ben. She wondered what he was doing right now. Maybe he was gnawing on a pencil like he always used to. Maybe he was thinking of her too.

Maybe he was at a tux fitting for his wedding. Her heart shrinked. 

“Right away, boss.” Her assistant hung up before Rey even realized the conversation was over.

_ Yep. I really am doing this. _

  
  


-o-

  
  


The elevator-like music in the nearly-empty department store accompanied Rey and Rose as they examined shelves upon shelves of the most varied items you could possibly need to assemble a new home. From crystal chandeliers to cutlery, wine glasses to 1000 thread count sheets. 

Rey absentmindedly toyed with a giant metal chicken - apparently, very much needed to keep eggs organised in any proper household - while Rose compared two different vases that looked exactly the same to Rey. 

Rose put them back on the shelf and looked to Rey. “What is it?”

“This feels weird,” Rey said in a low tone, not meeting her eyes. “I never thought...”

_ I never thought I’d be buying a wedding present. Not for him. _

_ I thought we’d be the ones receiving the gifts together.  _

Rose nodded, understanding even without an explanation. She grabbed a box of cutlery.

“What’s he like? What would he want?” Rose asked, raising a shiny spoon to see her reflection in the back of the utensil.

“He's…” 

_ He’s the type of person you could spend hours listening to; he could talk about anything.  _

_ He loved listening to Pearl Jam while driving with the windows down, the wind in his hair, and always with a hand on my thigh or holding my hand. _

_ He made me feel like the most important person in the world when he was listening, even if I was just rambling.  _

_ None of this is useful. _

“He’s a great cook. He can make amazing dishes pretty much from nothing. He um-” 

Rey smiled. “He hates waking up early in the morning, the only thing that drags him out of bed is a giant mug of coffee.”

_ His kisses always tasted like coffee in the morning. _

“Coffee, hmm?”

Rey sighed and sank to the floor. “I don’t know, Rosie. It 's been 7 years. For all I know, he hates coffee and cooks like shit now.”

“What about the bride? What would she like?”

“I don’t know anything about her. In fact, I don’t even know who she is. I didn’t recognize the name on the invite.”

She hadn’t mentioned to Rose the brief, but very clear territorial mark the wife-to-be had shown during her phone call to Ben; it was hardly enough proof of her character. Plus, she knew wedding planning could break anyone. Being Rose’s maid of honor last year, she had already lived the experience.

Rose held out a squared box. “What about a Nespresso?”

  
  


-o-

  
  


Rey rolled over.

_ Count sheep, Rey.  _

_ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5-  _

_ I wonder if he’ll have long hair.  _

_ Maybe long enough to tie into a bun, that way it doesn’t get in his way when he slinks down between my thighs to- _

_ Stop. _

_ Mm... He used to love doing that. _

She rolled to the other side, heart pounding. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to control her breathing.

_ Counting, yes, counting. _

_ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5- _

_ He would make me countdown when I cam- _

_ Stop it, Rey. _

Without her permission, her fingers traced her already hard nipples over the t-shirt she wore,  _ his _ shirt. With a little imagination, knowing how his fingers doubled hers in size, she could pretend they were his. Touching, teasing, warming her up while his mouth covered her neck in kisses before his hand travelled down and-

The moan that left her throat when her fingers started toying with her clit in wet circles couldn’t compare to the filthy sounds he had obtained from her when they were together, but it was the next best thing. 

She almost felt him behind her. Almost felt her back on his broad chest as he thrusted his fingers inside of her, stretching her open for him. One hand over her mouth to unsuccessfully cover the desperate sounds that emanated from her throat. The other plunged in and out, charging her body with electricity from her toes to the top of her head. He drove her higher and higher, working her through it-

_ “Come for me, sweetheart.” _

_ After, she’d collapse on his chest with trembling legs and a dry throat. He loved when they were lucky enough to have the house to themselves; he could make her scream without fear of being caught. But that wasn’t the case most times, so he’d try to keep her quiet; even allowed her to scream into his hand and arm occasionally. Or, he’d give her something to bite. _

_ He kissed her sweaty temple and fed her his fingers covered in her own juices for her to suck clean. _

_ “You’re so fucking beautiful,” Ben muttered. _

Rey came back to the present, her pillow wet under her cheek. She had lost track of how many times she had made herself come thinking about him over the last few years, even with other partners.

She had to, if she wanted to come. She had to fool herself for glorious minutes imagining it was his touch that arched her back and curled her toes. But reality always struck afterward, and it was as painful as before.

She was alone, in a bed that felt too big without him.

And he would spend the rest of his life making someone else come.

  
  


-o-

Rey fastened the seatbelt and tried to calm down. Poe would fly out a few hours later. She would’ve loved to have him with her, especially since both had left West Virginia together 7 years ago. They had taken a red-eye flight with barely any money to their names, but hearts full of dreams.

And now she was coming back, First Class.

Her fingers grabbed the seat in a firm grip as the plane took off. She hated planes. 

_ Some things never change. _

Knowing she had at least a 7 hour flight in front of her, Rey closed her eyes to try and catch the sleep she couldn’t manage last night.

  
  


_ “That was fun.” Rey smiled, as they walked down the street. “I haven’t been to the movies in years.” _

_ Ben frowned, confused. “Why?” _

_ Rey shrugged with her hands in the pockets of her cheap red coat, a little shy. “I don’t always have the time. I have a pretty strict schedule. I wake up in the morning, breakfast, and then I work full time at the record store down the street. Then dinner and that’s it.” _

_ ‘And I save every single penny to get out of here,’ she thought. _

_ “Oh, I didn’t know,” he commented. _

_ “Yeah,” she shrugged. “Poe’s been helping me apply to some colleges, too; the ones that offer financial aid.” _

_ He frowned again, as if he was trying to figure something out. “And what do you do for fun?” _

_ “For fun?” Rey repeated, surprised. _

_ “Yeah,” he said, staring at her with warm eyes. “Those things you do, they’re obligations. You don’t do them because you want to.” _

_ “I… read books sometimes, if I’m not too tired,” she said, in a doubtful tone. _

_ Ben shook his head and smiled. “No, no, that doesn’t count.” He stopped walking and Rey mimicked him. A mischievous smile crossed his face as he stared at the empty street. “Come here.” _

_ He walked to the pavement under a traffic light in long strides.  _

_ “Ben,” she called, amused. “Ben, what are you doing? You’re going to get run over.” _

_ He smirked, looking at both sides of the empty street. “By all the cars, you mean?” He raised an eyebrow at her, and crouched down to the asphalt to lie on it with his arms and legs spread. Rey looked on in amusement. She went to stand next to him, keeping an eye for any vehicles coming their way. _

_ “My dad and I used to come out here, lie down and watch the lights change. Watch them go from green to yellow to red.” Rey looked at the traffic light hanging above them. “You could try it, if you want to,” he added. _

_ “No,” she said, smiling. _

_ “Why not?” _

_ “Because... I don’t know. Will you just get up?” _

_ “That’s your problem, you know? You don’t do what you want,” he scolded playfully. _

_ Rey clicked her tongue, then looked at both sides of the street.  _

_ “Fine,” she gave in and laid down next to him. He chuckled at her apprehension. _

_ “What happens if a car comes?” Rey asked tremulously. _

_ “We die.” _

_ “What!?” _

_ Ben chuckled. “Just relax. Just trust. You need to learn to trust.” _

_ “Okay,” she whispered, watching the lights change.  _

_ “Painting,” she said, after a while. _

_ “Hmm?” _

_ “You asked me what I do for fun. I love to paint. I just haven’t… done it in so long, I forgot.” _

_ “Huh.” _

_ “Most of the time I’m thinking about what I have to do next, things I haven’t done, running constantly through these mental check-lists all the time. But when I hold a brush... the world just gets kind of quiet.” _

_ Ben opened his mouth to respond, but a loud honk alerted them that an oncoming car was approaching at full speed. He grabbed Rey’s hand and lifted her out of the way. She was shaking with uncontrollable laughter, as if all the laughter from the months she’d gone without it were bursting out of her in a single fit of giggles. _

_ “Are you okay?” Ben chuckled, looking at her rosy cheeks. “Why are you laughing?” _

_ “That was so fun,” she exclaimed, her warm breath forming a cloud in the cold night. _

_ Ben stared at her as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He licked his lips.  _

_ “You wanna dance with me?” _

_ "Sure,” she readily agreed. _

_ He smirked and extended his hand. _

_ “What? Now?” She questioned, but still grabbed his hand. _

_ He guided her back to the middle of the street, "Mmhmm" _

_ "You're not supposed to dance in the street." _

_ “Who says?” He grinned cheekily before twirling her in a little spin. _

_ “But we don’t have any music, Ben.” _

_ “Well, we'll make some,” he placed her hand on his shoulder, then reached down to hold her waist. His other hand tangled their fingers together to hold her closer. He began humming off-key, “Bum bum bum bum bum bum..." _

_ Rey chuckled. "You're a terrible singer." _

_ His grin grew wider, spreading across his face with dimples deepening as he stared into her eyes.  _

_ "I know." _

_ “But I like this song,” she amended sweetly.  _

_ He tentatively kissed her forehead as he guided them in slow, intimate circles while Rey rested her flushed cheek against his. His full lips just inches away from hers. _

  
  


An attendant startled her awake. “Miss, there’s a storm coming. We’re stopping in Atlanta for an hour or two.”

She disembarked the plane slowly, still a little lost in thought, remembering their first date. The night where everything changed.

Rey stopped at the nearest fast food place in the airport terminal to order a chocolate shake for her troubles. She took a sip, watching the other passengers stuck in Atlanta due to bad weather while they all waited to get on the next plane. An elderly couple sat on the rigid plastic airport seats across from her, snow-white hair and wrinkled eyes from smiling under the sun. Their love and utter adoration for each other was evident in the way the woman rested her head on her husband’s shoulder while his weathered palm rubbed her back. Rey spotted the gold wedding band on his finger. They had been together long enough that skin had begun to grow over it.

She nibbled her lip and pressed the ‘call’ button on her phone.

“Johnson, I swear to God, if you’re calling me to tell me to wear a tie the color of your dress give up, I found a tux that makes me look like fucking-”

“Am I making a huge mistake?” she interrupted.

Poe was silent on the other end of the line for a few heartbeats. “What makes you think that?”

“I’m in Atlanta, at the airport. Bad weather delay. And there’s this adorable, sweet couple and I just-” Rey shook her head. _ Fuck. _ Suddenly she was eighteen again, crying on Poe’s shoulder. Why did she always come crying to him? “I just, I just want to make sure I’m not fucking up Ben’s life by barging back into it, you know? I’m happy for him; I’m happy he found someone he loves enough to spend the rest of his life with. I-I-”

“Rey, he asked you to come. He’s pretty much begging you to barge into his life again.” She could feel Poe’s smile on the other end of the line.

“I know, but-”

“Forget about his life for a second. What about you? Rey...” Poe sighed heavily. “We left home together and I saw how much it tore you apart to leave him, how much time it took you to smile again. Now, if you tell me you’re scared that’s gonna happen again and don’t want to see him getting married, then I’ll say okay, then we won’t go, but…”

“But?”

“Okay, I’ll deny this if you bring it up, but do you remember that scene in  _ Letters to Juliet _ ?”

“You mean the movie you made me watch 3 times when it came out?” Rey teased.

“Shut it,” Poe retorted and cleared his throat. “ _ ‘What’ and ‘If’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together, side-by-side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if? What if? What if? I don’t know how your story ended, but if what you felt then was true love then it’s never too late. If it was true then, then why wouldn’t it be now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.” _

“You did not just recite the letter to me verbatim.”

“Shut up.”

She sighed. “I guess… I guess what I’m really scared of is finding out that my memory of what we had is better than it  _ actually  _ was. That it was just a summer fling.”

Poe paused for a moment. “But can you live with yourself without knowing what would’ve happened if you had gone there? Always living with ‘what if’?”

“And what if he’s happy with her, huh, Poe?” Rey sounded like she was pleading with him. “I’m happy for him; I  _ want  _ him to be happy, b-b-but-”

“What if he changes his mind when he sees you? What if you never find out because you never went?”

She sighed. “Fine, let’s go. Where are you?”

“Boarding the plane in a few minutes.”

“What!? And what if I’d told you I didn’t want to go anymore?” Rey jokingly reprimanded.

“Tough luck. I’d have had to drag your ass there,” he replied matter of factly. She smiled. “And if you’re so worried about how he feels… no one is saying you have to get up in the middle of the ceremony and throw your phone at the bride. Unless you want to, that is. I bet Ben would love it.”

Rey chuckled, taking another sip of her milkshake.

Poe suddenly became serious. “Just see what happens. I’m not going to watch you refuse to try and then regretting it. I promised I’d always take care of you, remember?”

“I know. Thank you, Poe.”

“No problem. They’re calling my boarding group, see you soon.” He hung up.

Rey grinned looking at her phone. Poe had always been there, through thick and thin. 

  
  


-o-

  
  


Ben let his phone ring two times before answering so that he wouldn’t look too eager to answer.

“Rey? Is everything okay?”

“Hey,” she said with a sleepy voice. His chest ached. The same voice that greeted him along with a sheepish kiss and a blissful smile after he made her come over and over again.

God, how he missed her.

“Everything’s okay. I’m in Atlanta. Just a little delay, bad weather. Bought a milkshake to cheer myself up and spilled it all over myself, so I’ve got a very overpriced new dress going for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m boarding the plane now.” She hesitated. “I was just calling to let you know, because you mentioned you wanted to pick me up and I don’t want to interrupt anything. I know you probably have-”

He cut her off quickly, “That’s okay, Rey. I’ll be there. ” His tone was soft as he crossed his legs while sitting in the cold, plastic chair provided at Baggage Claim. 

_ Does she really think I don’t want to see her? _

_ I’ll be here. Like I’ve been since the day you left. _

“Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you-”

“I’ll wait for you.”

“Okay,” she amended with a shy smile in her voice. Ben knew that smile. The one she wore when she received unexpected affection without asking for it. She interrupted his thoughts, “See you, Ben.”

He hung up, storing his phone in the pocket of his jacket, and watched the screen that displayed the arriving flights, eyes trained doggedly on Rey’s flight.

Ben had waited seven years. He could wait two more hours.

  
  


-o-

  
  


Rey fastened her seatbelt, ready to get a few more hours of sleep before returning to the place she’d escaped so long ago. Fortunately, after securing her headphones over her ears, she drifted away.

_ “How can you ask me to stay when we’ve been fighting the whole day?” Rey screamed, hands fisted on her hips. _

_ “Well, that’s what we do, we fight. You tell me when I’m an arrogant son of a bitch, and I tell you when you’re a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I’m not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have, like, a two-second rebound rate, then you’re back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing,” Ben shouted in frustration. _

_ Despite the harsh words, she gave him a sad smile and wiped her runny nose on her sleeve. Deep down, she knew they were fighting because of the unspoken goodbye that was coming. It hurt that much more because they loved each other so much. Neither of them was going to concede, which meant tonight might as well be their last together. _

_ Ben crossed the space between them, holding her slim figure against his broad frame. His lips tenderly kissed her forehead.  _

_ “Please,” he whispered. “Don’t go. Wait a few years, we can-” _

_ “Ben…” _

_ He dropped to his knees, with his arms wrapped around her middle. His hazels were desperate, shining with tears. _

_ “I love you more than anything, Rey. I want to spend every single day of my life loving you. And if you let me, I’ll do it. I’ll show you every goddamn day how much I love you, in every possible way, if you-” _

_ Rey fiercely shook her head, her fingers tangling in his soft dark hair. Some of her tears fell on his face. _

_ “Don’t do this, Ben. Please? You’re only making it-” _

_ He wouldn’t let her finish. “Marry me, Rey.” _

_ As impossible as it was, she could feel her heart breaking, shattering into a million pieces with nothing but pain left behind. She was dying to say yes, to ask him to hold her and never let her go. _

_ But she knew she couldn’t. _

_ Rey knew that if she only stayed for him, in this awful little town, she’d end up hating him, resenting him for limiting her choices. She’d end up leaving anyway. Why couldn’t he see it? _

_ Her chest ached with the realization that she wasn’t just saying goodbye to him, she was also walking away from their future. _

_ But she couldn’t lie either. She couldn’t say she didn’t want to marry him, have a house and fill it with children.  _ _ Rey could picture it, could almost feel it. Waking up next to his sleepy smile and his arm slung over her waist, loving every single inch of his body with her hands and lips, building a home together and filling it with dark-haired, hazel-eyed babies.  _ __

_ One by one, she forced the images to disappear. She couldn’t lie. Not when he was looking at her like he didn’t need anything else to be happy. _

_ So she told him the truth. _

_ “I can’t, Ben. I can’t,” Rey confessed, unwrapping Ben’s arms from around her. “I’m so sorry, I can’t,” she repeated before walking away. She never looked back, too scared that the vision of Ben on his knees would make her take it back, make her run into his arms with whispered promises of how she didn’t mean it, how she wanted nothing more than to call him “husband.”. _

_ She managed to reach Poe’s car a few blocks away before the powerful and all-consuming anguish overtook her body. Poe found her there, hugged her, and let her wet his t-shirt in a deluge of tears and unfortunate snot, just like he did since they were kids. _

_ When her breathing began to slow along with the onslaught of tears, Poe gave her a bottle of water. _

_ “He isn’t coming with us, is he?” he gingerly inquired. _

_ Poe didn’t use his name, and Rey was grateful. It would be a very long while before thinking and saying his name wouldn’t feel like a rusty knife stabbing deeply into her chest. She lifted her head from Poe’s shoulder, shaking it in the negative and pressing her lips together to contain another loud sob from ripping from her throat.  _

_ Through it all, Poe held her. He held her until she fell asleep. And throughout it all, even in sleep, Rey wasn’t sure she ever stopped crying. _

Rey woke up violently with tears leaking from her eyes. The jarring landing of the plane hardly concerned her as her mind was preoccupied with memories of the most difficult goodbye.

She disembarked, more tired than before she slept. Rey felt dirty, the stale recycled air of the plane having left behind a layer of invisible grime. Even the thought of a hot bath and clean change of clothes didn’t appease her overwrought state.

_ Everything is going wrong, it’s all a disaster. _

But, suddenly, it didn’t matter. Nothing did, because he was standing just a few feet away, waiting at the bottom of the escalator. He watched her, eyes beaming with barely contained emotion. 

He was taller, older and more broad than her memories, but she would've recognized him in the middle of any crowd.

He looked at her like she was the only other person in the world. How impossible it was, that they could discern each other with such ease. They could look into each other, not touching, not speaking, and know every sentiment that passed between them. 

As she stepped off the escalator, her own eyes prickled with tears and her carry-on slipped from her hand, forgotten on the floor at his feet.

_ Ben. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling? I'd love to read opinions/theories about what's gonna happen <3
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> [author's twitter](https://twitter.com/sacred_nut?s=09)
> 
> If you're feeling supportive, I write better and faster on caffeine  
> [author's kofi](https://ko-fi.com/sacrednut)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading <3
> 
> Comments and Kudos are always appreciated! 
> 
> [author's twitter](https://twitter.com/sacred_nut?s=09)
> 
> If you're feeling supportive, I write better and faster on caffeine  
> [author's kofi](https://ko-fi.com/sacrednut)


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